The faithful light.

I have been, as per my norm, extremely busy and extremely tired.

And my enthusiasm waxes and wanes.

These elements conspire to keep me from blogging.

The whimsy of my moods will always baffle me. Yesterday I was alone for much of the day, doing a variety of things, and feeling low and grumpy. I tried to write, but nothing came. At one point there was a small burst of something and some upliftiness and I sat down to write, but my day had run too late, and I stopped before I had really gotten started.

And now it’s Sunday evening, and I’m exhausted again, from a full (and filling!) mother’s day.

So okay, to explain the performance photos. Tuesday evening I played in a showcase at Blend in Ridgewood (happens to be the town I grew up in).

My sister’s birthday. Birth so nice, I blogged about it twice.

You know what’s really fun? Googling my sister.

G’head. I’ll wait.

You back? Riiight? Really cool.

The website. The published author/James Bond expert thing. The special guest panelist at fancy university symposia (but really Deb? Is that how you spell licence?) The published author/wicca expert thing. The half a Mad Man blog thing. The blog where she talks about politics and feminism and movie trivia and well, her son and her cats. Oh, did I mention the whole single mom thing? She talks to my nephew like, every single day. Same kid, every day.

She owns her own home. She deals with our whole family. She cooks things. She’s all active in the pagan community. She dates (ha! don’t we all.) She pitches tents.

She’s in fucking Wikipedia!!!

So let’s all give her a veritable basket of kisses (’cause that’s where it’s cross-posted).

Younger than the sun

All my watches are losing time.

(Or is it gaining time? whatever… they’re going slow.)

Back in January, right after I got hired (thus ending a seven-month period of unemployment and a piling up of low-priority cash-restricted errands) I took a bunch of my watches to a watch guy in Grand Central Station for new batteries.

Just recently, (like, over the last week and a half) one by one, they’ve been slowing down. Fortunately I haven’t missed a bus because of it, but it has happened now three times with three watches.

Weird.

It’s like… time is changing.

Or maybe I’m changing time. I wonder if it’s something happening in my body. Ooh! Could it be the iron pills? Interesting…

Speaking of time. Yesterday was my birthday.

my birthday post

is coming tomorrow or Sunday. Today, April 25th, is the actual anniversary of my birth.

But I’m really tired, so I’ll get back to you.

Why is this night?

Strange week around the topic of transportation.

My commutes early in the week were all just… strange. There was one bus trip home where inside the Lincoln Tunnel we heard a loud BANG. I have no idea what it was, but I didn’t really breathe until I saw light. You never realize how long you’re down there until something like that happens. After we got out and I was breathing properly again, I told the guy sitting next to me about this scary adventure I’d had in there many, many years ago involving a police chase, gunfire, and then getting stuck in there because we were not allowed to cross the crime scene. This guy and I ended up in a fascinating conversation about the presidential candidates.

Wednesday morning (or Thursday?) I was on the crosstown bus and it was so beautiful out, I kept thinking, Get off the bus and just walk. The another bus totally hit us… more scraped along side us, but the side that was one thin bus wall away from me! Most of us got the hell of the bus right then and there.

I owe my soul to each fork in the road

Wednesday night
Impromptu mini-birthday party for Benjamin. He’s two. I bought him a ‘tar‘ (actually a soprano ukulele). He played it gently. He is cute. Apparently after we left his mom put on some music and Ben took his tar and played along.

Thursday night
My first ever work-related social/drinking event. Wait, let me go back.

Thursday late afternoon
I hear from my doctor that I am pretty anemic. I have like, no iron. There’s been a lot going on lately with me, doctors, possible diagnoses, medications, and general symptom (tail)-chasing. I’m not saying this is the first moment through all of this that has had me upset, but this was extremely rattling to me. Forget the fact that we don’t know what the cause is or what all the treatment options are; I also don’t know how long I’ve been this way. And I don’t know how much of my all-the-time tiredness/lethargy/lack of motivation has been symptomatic.

I called Joe. I called Joe because I wanted him to know that all the time we spent together when I would be so tired, there was a reason. I called Joe because I thought his knowing this would make him like me more. I called Joe because I wanted his forgiveness.

Accurate. My “Astrological Passion”.

Your Score: Sensual Earth Lover

You scored 26.

Your sexual expression is of an Earth Sign nature. Realistic, grounded, and patient, you are straightforward in conveying your desire. You value your time and your energy, so you don’t want to waste any playing games with your affections. In your eyes, honest intimacy is the best policy — that way, you keep a firm grasp on the consequences of your actions andd decisions. You realize that sex has mental, emotional, and physical implications. But that doesn’t mean you don’t know how to enjoy yourself! Earth sign energy is highly responsive to touch and sensation.

---

Tun-on Tips: Channel Taurus’s slow and sensuous vibe and like a Virgo or Capricorn, show meticulous care for creating a pleasurable experience and ensuring that your lover’s needs are met.

---

Pls do rate my test, and leave me messages if you have any constructive criticism.

Link: The Astrological Passion: What kind of lover are you? Test written by shrusti on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(shrusti)

The wind has learned my name

My energy is so lowwww again. I must find a way back to my body. Friday and Sunday I was exhausted and napping and lump. Yesterday there was a weird stomach thing too, (like, hours of burning) and that was rough.

The men have simmered to ‘keep warm’. There’s not exactly total nothing, but it’s pretty close to nothing. Very little to be excited about.

But I had one great Saturday night. My oldest friend was in town… we’ve known each other since 3rd grade. She’s been living in Florida and I haven’t seen her in three years. She looked ridiculously gorgeous. I have seriously never seen her look better, and I’ve seen her look damned good. She turns fucking heads.

Anyway, Kathy and I had dinner at my mom’s and then I performed at a local café. I haven’t played out in a few months… I just haven’t been aggressive about getting gigs since the new year, and then last month I canceled at the same place because I was all sick.

And Kathy came of course and invited a few old friends (some mutual, some not so much) and my mom and step came and I had a few other surprises, including a cousin and a guy who was there specifically to see me, “I knew about you from your site” (he left before my first break so I didn’t get to ask Which site? Like my blog or my other blog or my myspacefacebook or my fucking beeper like I’m some drug dealer…)

Six things.

WTF?

1) Today I went to the dentist for the first time in *cough*mfhn years. My old dentist was very hard to get to, and it got easy not to go, plus I kept changing insurance companies. And at my last job, we didn’t have dental. My current job, though my health insurance kicked in the day I started (they made my technical start date January 1st so that I could have the insurance from then, being as I’d been there as a freelancer for 4 months prior), I had to wait until April 1st for the dental. So I made the appointment weeks ago. This is a new dentist (to me), recommend by my sister-in-law (known mostly as Benjamin’s mom). This guy is 2 1/2 blocks from my office. So. The cleaning was rough (though the hygienist was not), but I have not a single cavity. And I so. don’t. floss. (I use Listerine a lot, and I think it helps). Anyway he said I’ve just got great teeth and that if I keep up with cleanings I should never have any problems. And I was back at work before they’d missed me. Chah!

2) Hostess has purchased Drake’s. This is potentially devastating news. Drake’s is wonderful. Drake’s is New York. Drake’s is Jewish. Hostess is blecchy. Hostess is plastic. Hostess is fascist. The opposite sides of all things that these two brands exist on are legendary. If someday the recipes or products themselves merge, I don’t know if I will recover.

3) My back/neck/shoulders are in horrible shape again. I’m have a lot of pain and inflammation. I am seeing my chiropractor tomorrow for the second time this week (it is totally doctor week in RobertaWorld) and hopefully two’s a charm.

4) Oscar and I still haven’t had our first date. And are still planning to. He has the potential to foam my chai.

5) And on that note. I want a boyfriend/life partner/husband for many reasons. Good reasons. Healthy, human, womanly/girly, grownup reasons. But also? I really wish I didn’t have to change my kitchen bulb. I mean, I can. I can reach from the stepstool, and unscrew the thing, and not drop the big glass plate/bowl/fixture thing. I do it just fine. But I would like to be able to relegate that one out. Aphrodite, hear my call.

6) I had one great recording session in the studio with Todd. He sent me a preliminary track of my guitar with his bass on it, and it is beautiful. My playing is full of noticeable imperfections, which is fine. It sounds like me. His bass is a dream, and he totally ‘gets’ the tone of the song. I am so excited to be getting this done.

7) Oh, and I’m singing this weekend. It will be really nice; I have some friends coming, and it’s a great little room. I just wish my shoulders didn’t hurt so much; it will make for a rough night. But I haven’t played in awhile, so yay. And yeah, that was seven things.

Another Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth