What’s all this fuss

Part One—where I discover Buffy

I don’t remember what year I started watching Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. It was long after the show had been airing, but before it had completed its run. I found it on weekends, in syndication. It was on in the middle of Sunday afternoon, early Saturday evening; all different times on at least three different stations. But it was on when there was nothing else on.

I liked it okay, but couldn’t really get into it. I was never a fan of horror, nor was I particularly into the vampire thing, I’ve never read Ann Rice. I am not interested in dark for dark’s sake. I do, however, have a more than soft spot (downright squishy) for good teenage drama. And pretty people. (sort of peaked with My So Called Life.)

So I tune in from time to time., and I remember describing to my sister (who was a B,tVS watcher) exactly how I would watch it.

“I’m pretty much watching until I figure out whatever the mystery of the episode is.”

(You know how on Star Trek when everything is weird and no one knows why and then we figure out why but not everyone on the show has figured it out or if they have figured it out they still have to figure out how to fix it? On Buffy there is a similar pattern—a new monster in town or a new curse to be lifted; the big bad of the week.)

“So I turn it off at about ten of the hour.”

“But it’s in those last ten minutes when all the character and soap opera stuff happens”, is my sister’s contribution.

I start watching to the end. And suddenly I find myself waiting anxiously for the next episode in the sequence. And because I am watching different airing times and stations, I am juggling a variety of seasons and storylines. I need to streamline.

I take up with it on FX, who is airing two episodes each weekday, in order. Once I decide to embrace a series like this, I commit. I am taping the episodes and watching at night or in the mornings before work, using weekends for catch up. This is ten hours of TV a week. You can accomplish a lot at this rate—that’s a full season in two and a half weeks.

Part Two—where I go Buffy on your ass

So here’s the thing. I am not one for watching violence. I don’t make a point to avoid it; it’s simply not what I’m drawn to. Typically I do not watch horror or action or even a lot of suspense. I mostly like drama and angst and romance.

So taking in all this fighting is new input for my little brain.

For those who are struggling to follow along, Buffy is a little blonde high school girl (all of 5’2”) who is the chosen champion against vampires and all demons who walk the earth. She has super-strength. Joss Whedon, the creator of the show, wanted to show the person who was typically the victim (in a dark deserted alley where all things scary live) and give her the power. So Buffy kicks ass. She punches and kicks and stabs (and stakes) and to keep the scenes from all looking alike, she makes weapons out of anything she can find; that lamp on the desk, a pool cue—you get it, right?

Now I am not a violent person by nature. This is not to say that I’m not an angry person—totally different ballpark.

But I am watching ten hours per week of this little girl, the protagonist with whom I am siding and identifying, kick and kill and bludgeon and bloody.

And in my dreams, I am starting to physically attack people. My fist is making a sound against other peoples’ skin. I can feel it.

And in my life, at work and stuff, I find myself wanting to hit people. I am feeling a new aggression coursing through my… veins and arteries and skin and stuff. Coursing lots of new places.

Part Three—where I draw some kind of conclusion

Well I have to admit it feels empowering. And several months into this observation, I had a minor stalker incident. I made some changes; among other things I moved my bed from directly under the window, put some lights onto timers, things like this. But I also got a hammer and put it on my nightstand. And every night before I went to sleep I practiced swinging it. When you have never physically fought, you have to ask yourself, could I actually hurt someone? I think so. I hope so. Buffy showed me how.

But the flipside, if it’s not obvious, is this…

If you think our children are not affected by all the violence they are taking in, you are wrong. From one TV show, (and not an especially gory one), my entire thinking was changed. And this is nothing compared to the video games alone that far less developed minds and psyches are devoting themselves to.