Didn’t Samantha Stevens get this job?

What do you rule over?(17 outcomes! COOL PIX)

You’d rule over MAGICK. Magick has been around for ages and you are the perfect ruler of the witches. Or in their words, the perfect goddess. You are everyting wicca and supernatural. Be proud about that because we need more people like you.
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Worst song in the world. The whole world, of all time:

Love Is a Battlefield; Pat Benatar.

Your turn.

Friday NephBlogging

Benjamin is in his twelfth month. He is very small (17 pounds… this is way too small!) but I saw him stand up all by himself the other day for his very first time.

He is very cute. And a genuinely nice guy. We really get along nicely.

between the worlds with the fishers

Weird night last night.

I came home from work and grocery shopping with some good energy. Put away the food, prepared for the next morning, did a bunch of dishes. Missed Joe. I missed Joe, like an achy muscle, for hours. All night.

I sat down and turned on Six Feet Under. I started watching semi-regularly when Bravo began airing it, several months back. It’s a show I had seen a few episodes of over the years, but had never had the premium cable to keep it in my lineup. These days, (several years behind everyone else), I’ve been really enjoying it.

The episodes run long; over an hour, and Bravo lays three episodes side by side on Monday nights from 9 until they’re done.

Last night I start watching and it feels like I am watching the series finale. And I can’t turn it off.

(I know what you’re thinking. Why wasn’t I watching the Riches? I was all about the Riches! Well, for now, the Riches is letting me down. I’ll get back to you on this another time. I haven’t given up on it yet.)

And then the second episode starts and I don’t know how many more episodes of this series there are but I’m not turning it off tonight.

my happy place needs a remote control

I was given this set of dollhouse furniture as a gag gift once, many years ago. This little room is on my desk at work. The floor is a box I built, so the whole thing is elevated… it is probably on level with my shoulders. The rug was cut out of… something, by one of the guys in the studio. He also took that plant cutting and stuck it in a little plastic container and gave it to me. The thing between and behind the couches is an empty candy box, courtesy of another work friend. Everyone was chipping in.

It adds a certain something, I think.

sleepytime sunday night cloudy rant

I’m in between nothing and something, something and nothing.

Lethargy with a splash of depression, sprinkled with new hope and theoretical motivation.

Ex-non-boyfriend with whom I am still in contact, but wondering with each interaction, What’s the point.

And in between I am missing him. I did love him…

Except that today I realized I am missing the relationship. I am missing being a couple with him.

And fine, this may have been my illusion. Certainly there was no obligation on his part to be that.

But that’s what I miss, and this contact doesn’t sate that.

And if I find out that in fact, it makes me hungrier, then… well then we can’t do this.

I wish I had more on my mind. Certainly that is part of the problem. I’m working on it. Well I say I’m working on it, but I am so immobile… but I am taking steps. They are small.  I guess I am not immobile if steps are being taken.

Well okay then.

Sometimes these things are just freaky dead-on.

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.You’ve been deeply wounded in the past, and you’re still recovering from that hurt.You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You’re easy going about who you’re with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you speak your mind and don’t hold back. You know you’re right, and you can get quite angry about it. A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Leggo my eggo

Al emailed me last night to ask how I’m doing… said that I haven’t been blogging that much and he’d lost track of the storyline. I’ve been meaning to write about it, and this is basically the email I sent back to him.

I’m doing a lot better all over. Joe and I are broken up, but I’ve been waffling. Big surprise. And now I’m waffling on the waffling. Basically last weekend I invited him up, and it was logistics, not our situation, that had it not happen.

My thinking was (flawed as it may be) that now that I’m sort of unhooked from the boyfriend notion, I can still do this from time to time.

fun with words?

Here you go, Deb…

This was overheard.

“He has a chimp on his shoulder”.

(I’m guessing this is a cross between a chip on his shoulder and a monkey on his back.)

1. Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo-point.
2. Rachel: Huh. A moo-point?
3. Joey: Yeah, it’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
4. Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?

many long and sleepless nights

On March 17th, 2005, I had a surgery to tighten my upper arms, and a breast reduction. It was just after a year from my gastric bypass.

It was a whole lot of changes.

I haven’t been writing much about it. Before I brought my blog out here, I’d started this whole blogging adventure on MySpace, and it was there that I was really trying to tell my story. Since I’ve been at this site, I’ve focused primarily on the present.

But there certainly is a story, and I need to capture it before it blends in with the din that is my entire past. I am already forgetting all the shocks and transitions and adjustments I’ve made over the last 3 1/2 years. I sometimes forget all that. And I should remember it; I should sometimes leverage the fact of this path so that maybe I’ll go a little easier on myself.

What I don’t forget is who I always was. I’ve adjusted so well, and I don’t forget who I am; I carry with me a confidence that I only found through losing this weight (and the cosmetic surgery). (Some of the weight has come back. Most of the gained confidence remains, and is mine forever.)

But who I was, who I grew up as, the child/teenager/young adult/adult that I spent most of my life as… that is never out of reach. Always on the tip of my tongue.

Me in a comment on Danny Miller’s blog, just today (I’m referring to being a 6th grader):

I was a fat girl who mostly avoided the kissing parties… because I was a smart, hip fat girl, and I didn’t want to suffer the humiliation that came either with being ‘passed on’ or being stuck with someone who was grossed out by being stuck with me.