Balls for Paula

My Meatballs

Disclaimer:

I am publishing this per Paula’s request. I make the best meatballs ever, but I do it, at this point, by instinct. And I learned them from my mom, who also never measured anything. So I am guessing on all the quantities. I always make a ton… usually for a crowd; between 3 and 4 pounds of meat. I will try this recipe for 2 pounds.

This will be the basic recipe from which I have varied over the years. I continue to try different ball methods… there are so many; so many schools of thought on the perfect ball.

But the secret to my meatball greatness is, I’m admitting it, that I taste the meat raw, and continue to doctor accordingly. If you can’t stomach this, and who can blame you, cook yourself little sample balls before rolling any up.

Through the recipe I will include several variations and other comments. Cause, uh, I’m not a recipe writer; I’m an inside thought revealer. (What did I call myself, Joe? An ideas man?)

Also… any of my recipes, if I ever post more, are SO NOT for people who can’t cook. You gotta have a clue, ‘cause I may leave out stuff that’s intuitive to me.

So here we go:

2 lbs of 85% lean beef

(or a combo of better and worse; depending on what’s on sale/available. Sometimes I’ll get a 3-pound family pack of 80% and then I’ll get a pound of like super lean to help balance. You must have some fat in there for flavor and moist yumminess. I used the veal/pork/beef combo once; I don’t remember how I liked it… I just remember that I was forced to not taste it raw, but some people swear by it.)

An egg? or two?

(optional; my mom taught me the egg, then years later acted like I was crazy to use it. I think one day I should do a side by side taste test on this exact ingredient. It affects, I think, the texture more than the flavor–I know it is considered a binder)

(And regarding the quantity… trust your eyeball. I think one nice large egg is probably plenty for 2 pounds of meat, but I haven’t tested these proportions)

Unseasoned breadcrumbs—maybe ¾ of a cup?

(I will not allow wiggle room on the seasoning… season it all yourself. The seasoning in breadcrumbs tastes like bad pizza.)

Maybe half that much grated parmesan/romano something like that (can be the canned kind; I have no problem with that)

Hot (just microwave some) water

Salt (lots; a teaspoon or more) & fresh ground pepper

1 medium to large onion (sweet is good if you can)

1 handful of fresh flat leafed parsley (the freshness is non-negotiable; flakes will not do)

A couple of cloves of garlic (more or less as you like it)

Dried oregano & basil (this will make good Italian meatballs. But honestly, if you change these up, use different spices, or none at all, and do everything up ’til this point, the balls will still be delicious.)

The real other secret to the balls is the parsley/onion/garlic combo. Before starting, get all that chopped up, finely. I put all three together into a food processor. Meatballs is pretty much the reason I own a food processor. You want them fine but not pureed. After they are all chopped, luxuriate in the fragrance… the parsley should overpower the onions and garlic, which I always find miraculous.

After putting the meat into a big enough bowl to allow for a bit of breathing room, create a well in the meat and crack the egg into the well. Beat the egg (does not have to be perfectly beaten) and then start blending that into the meat. Some salt and pepper at this stage is fine.

Pour in the bread crumbs and the cheese but like, over to one side… keep it together at first. This is where you want to add your salt, pepper, and spices. Then pour a bit of hot water into the bread crumb/cheese and begin to blend all that into your mixture. The water should help get it all together; create an easier consistency to work with, and a yummier consistency to taste. However, I can’t describe exactly what that consistency should be. You have to trust your hands.

I really, really recommend you mixing it up with your hands. Get ‘em in there. You’re gonna have to make the balls at some point anyway.

Now, how you cook them is also loaded with options. The way my mom taught me, I’d be simultaneously starting a homemade sauce (with onions, garlic, olive oil, several canned tomato products, seasonings and spices) and then I would gently place the raw meatballs, one at a time, into the sauce. (Whatever size ball you like – I like them biggish but not as big as you get in a pizza place—maybe an inch and a half diameter.) The trick of that cooking technique is, don’t stir it for at least twenty minutes; once they’ve simmered awhile then they will better retain their shape.

This, however, does require longer term cooking (you have to cook a lot of the fat off). I have tried many other methods, and honestly, they all have their merits… frying them or baking them first; either fully cooked or partway and then the rest in a sauce. Everything works. Again, you may need a frying pan to taste the mixture before committing. Make sure there is enough salt!

One other tip… once the meat is mixed, don’t overwork it. You don’t need to roll and roll the balls… I think that can make them tough.

These are your basic Italian meatballs… but I use the same basic recipe for Sweet and Sour meatballs, just without the cheese or Italian spices. Also a yummy cocktail meatball can be made with a sauce of equal parts beer and ketchup… surprisingly delicious.

As I said, I’ve tried so many different methods, and they are all good, if you make sure they stay moist enough and well seasoned. Stale bread instead of crumbs; moistened with milk. Adding a bit of wheat germ to the bread crumbs is a nice crunch. Chopping the onions a bit bigger and then frying them first… delicious. Just more olive oil coming at these balls from the inside!

If anyone actually tries this, let me know how it goes. I recommend cutting and pasting this, and editing out most of my editorial once you’ve read through it!