Happy New Year

So after a whole lot of back and forth, and back, and forth, I’ve decided to stay home. I was all set to go to the CoSM event… I was showered and was in the middle of dressing and getting packed; had figured out the bus situation and also had an option to stay in the city. But I’ve been aware that it was going to take a lot of work. It’s the kind of work that when you’re alone can be overwhelming (or, to me it can). This statement is not pity-party generated, just truthful. If I had a friend going with me we’d work out these details and just ride each other’s energy. But to bundle up and make sure I’m warm and comfortable (and still hot looking) and stand alone waiting in the dark for a bus and then find some subway to go, alone, to this place I’ve never been to… I’d been willing to do it, but it has to be acknowledged that it’s a lot. And I might have found it an amazing and beautiful and enriching event, or I might not have really connected with it, and that could leave me feeling more lonely. So knowing all this, I’d planned to go for it, but as I was getting ready my body just said No. And actually gave me permission to stay home and be okay doing so.

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

As I mentioned the other day, I went back and read a meme I filled out last year at this time. It was a 2006 wrap-up, with thoughts on the coming, and now going, year. Reading it was a rather jarring experience. Turns out that while I was braced for a year of change and hard work and disappointment, you can’t really know what life’s gonna throw at you. There is a startling naiveté that I suppose is intrinsic in any glimpse backward at an attempted glimpse forward.

It was not as horrifying as I might be making it sound. I found it to be invigorating. We do what we can to anticipate the unanticipateable, but knowing, really knowing that we don’t have a clue… that is what life is. And somehow connecting with that sort of pumps my blood.

Still and truly a lonely jew at Christmas

I posted the song last year, and it’s funny and all, but it’s also true. I get very lonely at Christmas.

More recently I wrote a bit about my conflicts over being Jewish and wanting the Christian thing. But I mostly think of that as something from my childhood. Until Christmas.

The whole world stops. It does. You can feel it. I guess that for the people who participate it varies as much as any other experience does, so for some it’s about noise and presents and food and for some it’s about church and family and love. And all the unlimited variations on those and other themes that present themselves. And for those who don’t (participate in it), for all the reasons we don’t, for some it’s about despair or indignance or maybe for some it’s really just about Tuesday. But you have to spend a long time getting good at really ignoring it before that happens, at least in my opinion.

Movie review: I Am Legend

I did not love what there was to love as much as I wanted to love it, but I did not hate what there was to hate as much as I expected to hate it.

The end by rkl.

Thanksgiving memories

In the Mad Men first season closer, Betty tries to convince her husband to join the family for Thanksgiving. But what about creating memories for the children? (Forgive my paraphrasing… I don’t know the actual quote and won’t until the episode comes ’round again.)

And I thought, as those words (or other words nothing like those but going for the same affect) were spoken, Is that why we do it?

Without any fear

I don’t quite know what to do about my inability to write lately. I don’t know what is driving it… is it just exhaustion, or dissatisfaction with my blogging space (I can’t believe I missed Show Us Your Blogspace Day… I love holidays!) or some combination of those things and other things I can’t think of? Not sure what’s going on, or how best to tackle it…

And there has been a cluster of interesting happenings. Most of the following would have made (and may still make) great single entries, but for now, some highlights:

I did a weekend workshop on character/animation voice work. It was amazing, and the guy who taught it was amazing, and I am excited at the very real possibility of my carving myself a future in that business. I talk a little bit about it here, in Basket of Kisses, my other blog that I’ve also been neglecting.

Happy Yule, everyone

The sun will be back. Things are looking up. More on all of that for me, personally, a bit later. For now, keep the trees lit; let’s show ‘em how it’s done.

Keeping up with the Schwartz’s

Last night I cooked myself a little baked ham, and had myself a little insight.

My mother never served a baked ham in her life. She had utter distaste for it, as a notion, not as a flavor. Actually closer to disdain.

My mother did not raise us even remotely kosher, but there was a sort of Jewish ethic to our kitchen. So we were served plenty of traditional Jewish foods (brisket and kasha varnishkes and stuffed cabbage and chicken paprikash) but we also ate pork chops and ham & swiss sandwiches and shellfish. So it was a compromised ethic, objectively, but it was never presented as such.

My So Called Job

Okay, so it’s 11:30 pm and I just got home from work.

But a lot of my job is sitting around and waiting for other people to do their job.

So I decide to find something on tv to watch. It never works from my house; I don’t know what my malfunction is, but I can’t seem to get shows online.

I go to abc.com. I guess I figure I’ll watch a Grey’s repeat.

And there it is. Just listed along with the other shows. The pilot of My So-Called Life. One of my favorite shows of absolutely all time. They’re giving it a little push because the DVD is coming out.

So in between my work I watched it. Cried at the end. I find Claire Danes to still be luminous.

doesn’t take much

to make me happy. It really doesn’t.

Even when I’m fighting off the first migraine I’ve had in like six months.

I keep my fingernails very short, and unpolished. I have never been able to play my guitar with any hint of nail on my left hand, so it gives me the excuse to bite at will.

Yesterday a young woman I work with was talking with a new girl (and then with both of us) about her nail polish, which I’d noticed earlier, because I it’s the last color I purchased for my toes. A near-black purple. Tastes change. Suddenly it was appealing to me, when once it would have seemed too dark. Anyway, this girl’s nails were short, and she was talking about how the trick to polishing short nails is a dark color. And she was right; I had simply never made this observation.

So for the first time in years, I did my fingernails. And I am like, in love with my hands.

Look at this one! It’s my left.

The left is where I wear most of my jewelry. The bracelet further from my fingers is the one I bought on Samhain.

Wait’ll you see my right!