In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

As I mentioned the other day, I went back and read a meme I filled out last year at this time. It was a 2006 wrap-up, with thoughts on the coming, and now going, year. Reading it was a rather jarring experience. Turns out that while I was braced for a year of change and hard work and disappointment, you can’t really know what life’s gonna throw at you. There is a startling naiveté that I suppose is intrinsic in any glimpse backward at an attempted glimpse forward.

It was not as horrifying as I might be making it sound. I found it to be invigorating. We do what we can to anticipate the unanticipateable, but knowing, really knowing that we don’t have a clue… that is what life is. And somehow connecting with that sort of pumps my blood.

I knew it was rough with Joe, but I didn’t think I’d end it when I did. (”end it”) I knew my job situation (that little detail of sorta being in love with my sorta, at the time, and eventual actual boss) had an intensity that needed to break, but I didn’t think I would lose my job. I knew I’d been getting more involved with magical, spiritual work and community, but I sure as shit didn’t think Orien Rose would be in an accident that would change all our lives or that she and I would be connected in such a sacred way.

So here goes. I recommend you take it as well. Tag, you’re it. It’s really an interesting exercise.

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Right. Let’s jump right in. So no, I don’t plan to, although I will probably want to keep my options open.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
I really, really will. Am currently. I love that boy, but Joe needs to recede further and further to the sidelines.

3. New house?
Perhaps. I am here through October, which gives me plenty of time to figure out how I want to structure things, now that I am working in Manhattan.

4. What will you do differently in 08?
Commuting. Managing my energy and structuring my time.

5. New Years resolution?
I don’t really do resolutions. I just intend to continue moving forward. I am proud of all the forward I have moved. (But more yoga!)

6. What will you not be doing in 08?
Smoking cigarettes.

7. Any trips planned?
Nope. No plans at all.

8. Wedding plans?
None that I can think of.

9. What’s on your calendar?
Really not much. Babysitting dates with Benjamin (yay!) and a Bob Bergen sequel workshop in May.

10. What can’t you wait for?
Turns out I can wait for anything.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
I’d like to see my transition away from Joe to be 100% painless. It’s a lofty goal…

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Again, just more of the same. I want to be more loving, all the time. I want to be slower to react. I want to not get so bunched up and stressed out; to roll with life a little better. I want to be physically stronger and more fluid.

13. What happened in 07 that you didn’t think would ever happen?
Like I said up top, losing my job was pretty shocking. Going back to working in Manhattan was a surprise. There was a recent smooching incident with a man that I hadn’t seen coming. The whole Orien Rose thing was not on anyone’s radar. Starting to play music professionally was also a surprise.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I will.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
The look is always advancing.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Goodness no.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Maybe a little.

18. Will you do charity work?
Probably not.

19. Will you go to bars?
Early and often.

20. Will you be nice to people you don’t know?
I’m always nice to some people I don’t know.

21. Do you expect 08 to be a good year for you?
So despite it all, yes. Yes I do.

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
So much more than I’d imagined, in ways I hadn’t predicted. This year was a lot less fun than I’d thought. But I feel grounded and realistic. I am not dancing with sunshine and sparkles over the new job or skipping through the park with all my wonderful BFFs or elated that my new blog is the next big thing. I have taken a lot of steps forward in a lot of areas, and am kind of amazed by all the success. But more so, I am impressed by how my view is one of pride, and not of condemnation and sabotage, (because really I didn’t accomplish all that much and mostly I just survived). That is such a tempting view for me to have, and I am very pleased that I am allowing the pride to override all that crap.

23. Do you plan on having a child?
No plans. But extremely willing for the right circumstances to change that answer.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Yes. And plenty more to add on. And Joe and I will wind up as wonderful friends, it just might not be a smooth transition.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
I really don’t know! It’s like, because of how this job came to me, it was not such a major change. I’d love, as we all know, to be meeting and finally moving in with and then marrying my true love. And, putting all that aside, I may move by the end of the year.

26. Will you be moving?
Like I keep saying. I don’t love my current commute, and if I had any reason to stay put (like kids in a school system or a husband who commutes in the other direction), maybe I would, but why not design a more convenient life? So will it be into the city, into a borough, or to a Jersey town with an easier commute? Or do I just stay put, ’cause it’s really not all that bad…

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 08 that happened in 07?
Oh, I don’t know.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I haven’t decided yet. Might go to the CoSM event.

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
None that I know of.

30. One wish for 08?
More.