I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Posted by Roberta Lipp on March 13, 2008
I’ve been contemplating the nature of men and women when they ‘want’ someone.
Okay I’ve been contemplating this crush I have. This guy makes me do those things I do; flutter, melt, breathe more deeply (or is it more shallowly?), blush. Poor thing isn’t even trying, and I have no idea if he has any conscious awareness of it. I assure you his subconscious hasn’t missed a beat.
I was thinking about how men look at a woman and think dirty thoughts. Want to fuck them. us. do stuff.
(Look, I’ve never been a man, but I’m pretty sure I’m not too far off-base on this. I heard a brilliant story on This American Life about a transsexual’s experience after she he started getting her his testosterone. How it changed the way she he thought about women. Like, women on the subway. You should listen to it… it’s Act Two, Infinite Gent.)
And how when I want a man it is so much more… tender than that.
I am no prude. I love to fuck and get sweaty and smelly and fantastically amazingly nakedly tangled. And uh… I’d love to do all that with this guy.
But that is not what I think about.
What I think about is leaning in a little closer and brushing his hair back from his forehead.
As this crush is running its course, it is a very gentle swirl that adjusts my molecules into having me feel more intimate with him. towards him. I have a hard time not whispering to him. not touching his hand.
I’m ready to nuzzle, and that’s not really appropriate to our relationship.
But my point is I don’t ever think about tearing his clothes off, or being the tear-ee. That’s just not where my desire lives.
hewholaughs said
I like when you’re smitten. Those entries are always lovely!
Maria said
I believe that most women, when “crushing”, aren’t really looking for the sex so much as for the intimacy..do you know what I mean? The brushing his hair back, the nuzzle, that’s all very non-sexual and sweet. Men, well, most men, on the other hand, I don’t believe really “crush” on a girl..I think it’s purely sexual, they want to get down and dirty when they see a girl that they like or that they find attractive. Whether they act upon it or not isn’t the point..it’s how they’re feeling about that particular person at that particular moment. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a guy say that he had a crush on someone…and if a man does say it, I don’t think they know exactly what it means to have a crush…I truly believe that it’s a completely female thing, and again, it’s not about the sex, it’s about being with that person, sharing an emotion with him…and if a kiss should happen…cool…
I remember one particular crush I had (and you would too, if I told you who it was) was so intense that I would actually imagine us just driving around together. No hand holding, no kissing, certainly no sex (although that wasn’t out of the question, either, just not in this particular fantasy), just…driving…I would imagine him in the passenger seat of my car…and whenever we did happen to be in a car together(which happened from time to time), for me…it was magic…whenever I hear the song “On My Own” I think of that time in my life. Can you imagine anyone but a girl singing it? Nope…it’s the ultimate crush song…
Deborah Lipp said
I tend to picture weirdly inappropriate things. Not usually sex, but the kind of intimacy that is only appropriate between people who are having sex. Like stroking his knee.
Roberta Lipp said
This is what I’m saying.
Seymour, MSW said
It’s strange to think that the moment before we meet Oscar– globally– is, sometimes, the best moment.