Tune me in to the wild side of life

It’s been my typical pinballing between really fun times and some lethargy. But my lethargy has been somewhat productive. So maybe, more sedentary than lethargic.

I’ve been working on the Mad Men blog; catching up on writing and actual cataloging. The show is heading towards its second season and we want to finish up all the business of Season One before that happens… we’ve (okay mostly Deb) finished the S1 episode guide, and now we’ve got other things to tidy up, like the show bible and timelines and such. Plus there’s Mad Men all over the news, and we need to stay on top of that.

This blog has become low priority, though I love it so. It is really just for me. I’m happy that there are people who read it, but I don’t exactly have a big following much beyond some friends, and I’ve sort of lost a sense of form to this. Deborah actually described it nicely as a little birthday tribute to me:

If you don’t read Roberta’s Voice, you should try it. My sister’s blog is primarily a personal journal, talking about her love life, her back aches, her commute, that sort of thing. But how she gets perfect strangers to read that is that the blog is really about consciousness. She’s bringing self-awareness to all her little moments, and asking herself about the nature of her interactions with herself, others, and the world. It can be compelling reading.

And well, yeah. So I’m down to zero men, not even floaters, nor lurkers, nor even occasional kissers or possible back-pockets. And that always bums me out. But also the men, the love life, is what inspires me to write the most. So then yes it becomes a blog about how badly my back hurts (and it does) and, y’know, I don’t always just want to come on here and whine.

I’ve actually had a bit more energy. I think the iron tablets might be having an affect. I thought I wrote about my tiredness, my specific, at-night tiredness, but I’m not sure. I get tired at night. It’s like, fact. If I’m not out being stimulated I am home ready to crash. I didn’t realize how peculiar this was until twice in the last few months people commented. My brother, as I was glazed over on his couch before 10pm, and my sister, as I was asleep sitting up (also around 10pm) on her couch while we were watching the Apartment.

I live alone. So I don’t get much feedback on this kind of thing. And these are some people, siblings are, who know me pretty well. So it was those two events, and the commentary, that made me realize that I’ve turned into like a weird, falling asleep early girl.

Anyway, literally one week ago today, last Sunday night, after a very long day with a bit of running around and not a ton of sleep the night before, I noticed my awakeness in the evening. Hmm. Noted.

And I watched it all week and it was the same each night. Not so sleepy.

Monday night I went over to the Notch to the open band jam and played a set. And it was absolutely wonderful. It has been awhile and again, the confidence level continues to build, and make me a stronger and more relaxed and poised performer. And I have more fun, and I get more attention as a result., which comes back to more fun. I am so glad I went.

Oh! And this guy showed up. He’s a guy with whom I had an encounter with a few years ago. Somewhere between an encounter and a thing. and a train wreck. It’s a long story, but basically, there was smooching, and then, as it turns out, there was a wife. So anyway, he still plays occasionally at the Notch, and I ran into him once briefly last year but he had to run out. This was the first time we had a few minutes.

He’s actually kind of a nice guy. It seems that the married guys that I attract are not the typical married sluts; this one, like Iowa (only nothing like Iowa) feels like someone who doesn’t cheat. He feels, to me, a little unfulfilled, and overall he’s a bit nerdy and sheepish (both are words I’ve used to describe him in the past). And not like some kind of player. It was nice to speak with him. He is awkward in his own skin, but persists to push through that… like, speaking to me was uncomfortable, but he has a willingness to hang out with the uncomfortable. And uncomfortable as he was, he gave me props and there was warmth (at an appropriate distance).

Tuesday, I went and heard a bit of music. Wednesday I went again to the Notch. Bike night. Awesome band. AND I sang a tune. And I flirted with a biker. A serious biker. Again, I’m glad I went. I’m glad to be getting out more, and I’m especially glad to be getting out and singing.

Thursday night I babysat for Benjamin. He is just so cool. He is clever and funny and each time I see him his speaking is more sophisticated. He now heartily calls me goo goo, which is Chinese for aunt… actually, for the specific aunt in the lineup that I am. We had a great time, and again, I did not get too tired. That was a bigger test, because I always get tired when I’m at their place on a weeknight.

Unfortunately, I stopped taking the iron a few days ago because of some testing I’ll be getting at the end of this week (a colonoscopy and an endoscopy). (ain’t we got fun.) We’re just checking to make sure that the anemia isn’t a symptom of something way more severe (which is not a big concern, but we need to make sure), and also we’re taking a look to see if I have an ulcer. Which fuck. I might.

I then laid pretty low for the weekend. Did a little work on my songs in the studio, and ran some errands, and went to yoga this morning. (YES!)

And I didn’t go to Free Spirit. This morning last year I crawled into Joe’s bed for a post-breakup cuddle. And the year before, the same morning, his arms around me for the first time. It wasn’t a cycle I particular wanted to break, but there you go.

9pm and still not tired. Okay, I’m going back to the Tony Awards.