I am in a very good mood

Sometimes when you feel free and open and forward-moving you are really just very stuck.

I really wish that weren’t the case. But the truth is that feeling wonderful is very tricky, because you assign it health.

So when I am feeling good will I always assume I am at my best?

And will it even serve me to assume otherwise?

Ahh, these are the great mysteries of life’s lessons.

So anyway, I can look back at everything leading up to Joe as stucker than I’d thought. But I can also not. I got to Joe’s, and it knocked me loose.

And I feel really loose. And really excited. And really gentle.

I could write all day, but I can’t write all day, so once again I will try to topline things, and talk about coming back later to elaborate, which either will or won’t happen.

Last night I went to see Brett’s show. Brett is the gay guy I picked up many weeks back, the one with whom I plan on working musically. Only last night I learned that he is a major, major talent. This was a collection of his songs, performed by a collection of brilliant cabaret performers. “And this one is from my musical ____ …”. “So-and-so asked me to write a song for her act that expressed…” Yeah. Genius. I spoke with some of the performers. They were like, yup, Brett is the real deal, and we need to keep getting the word out.

And he wants to work with me! I was literally bouncing down the street after the show, a la tigger. I am bowled over, and more so that I have somehow, through seeming randomness, attracted this guy into my life. That is the kind of magic I can get behind.

I have decided to move. Not far, just closer to the city. Lease is up November 1, but I need to get to work. Sorting, packing, throwing things out, saving some money, and checking out neighborhoods and apartments. My horrible job situation has had a pretty significant shift, activated by me, and my job is as secure as a job can be, considering no job is fully secure. But I have been told I am exceeding expectations and have turned things around and that I am kind of the gold standard for what they wanted of my position. And other things about what’s coming down the line. So I am moving, and I am excited.

Joe encouraged me to make one change in my diet, and it’s been amazing–I now eat fruit every morning, only fruit and then more substantive breakfast (and my coffee) 30-60 minutes later. I’ve done it every morning since I visited him (Memorial Day weekend) except for a couple of mornings at Free Spirit. And it’s working wonders on my digestive system. Really really big changes.

More yoga. Always a challenge, but I’m doing it.

The workshop I took with Sylvia at Free Spirit–a shamanic, tantric breathwork ceremony–it is still with me. I feel changed. It has mostly been so subtle, but it was not subtle work. I can’t think about it too much, or I will go back to it and just cry and cry. And it is good to know I can go back like that. There is more crying to be had, and I’m glad I know where to find it. But as for now? Two things I can identify. Yesterday I had a rotten retail experience where I got extremely angry and refused to pay what I was being charged. This was as ugly as things get and goodness knows I can flare up pretty hot. But the level of anger that I carried away with me was notably lower than is my norm after something like that. I did not maintain it the way I would have previously. The other thing is that the irritation on my chest, the skin problems I’ve endured for the last three + years, seems to have faded. I have no idea if that’s the truth, but right now it all feels good. The heaviest work I did was in the heart and throat chakras, and I wore a necklace into the ceremony (total coincidence–I didn’t even know we were working chakras) that is a green stone, specifically gifted to me a few years ago to aid my heart chakra. Because the work was so powerful I’ve been wearing that charged up necklace ever since. And my chest hasn’t been irritated. Typically I can’t wear necklaces more than once a week or even less because it’s so uncomfortable. So that is pretty wild.

I feel brighter. Somehow the peacock colors are with me–I’m wearing them, I’m radiating them. In January I am getting the tattoo I’ve been wanting for three years, but it will be entirely new and unique from what I’d seen, and I’m excited and ready.

I don’t know what gets the credit. I mean, there’s a lot converging. I am definitely in a lighter mood. A huge weight at work is lifted. I participated in the ceremony. I feel, for the first time since I’ve met him, really done with Joe. I had a taste of love at first sight–even if just a taste of what that might be like. I have someone new I’m hanging with, and someone else I’m talking about hanging with. I have a few musical projects in the works. The yoga, the fruit. I don’t know what gets the credit, but I like that there’s a lot converging. And so much manifesting.

So am I forward-moving or just feeling good? Not gonna lie, I don’t know if I care that much right now.

(But I am forward-moving.)